It's been awhile since I've blogged, but I finally have a moment to myself while the baby is napping. He's teething, and had just cut his first tooth. It's sharp when he uses my fingers as a chew toy.
His surgery has been scheduled for the 7th of September, only a little under two weeks away. I keep telling Sean not to worry, that the baby will be okay, because he is seriously stressing out about it. So much so that I never get a chance to just let out my worries and frustrations anymore.
I am getting so angry lately. Angry at the Powers that Be that seems to think I can handle a disabled child and a disabled husband. Angry that I never get a chance to be myself anymore. I've had to give up most of my pastimes, most of my hobbies, and I feel like I am in this place that I seem to have lost my identity. Yeah, I know, sometimes it's a part of mommyhood, but it seems like I am the one who is giving up everything while Sean still gets to act like...well, like he has no responsibilities.
Yes, I know, he's disabled and can't do too much to help physically; but you'd think he could at least take care of the baby while sitting on his ass all day in the damn recliner playing video games. He can give the baby his bottles or his breathing treatments while I get some school work or house work done, but NO. I'm the one who feeds and tends the baby, I'm the one who plays with him on the floor for tummy time, I'm the one who gets up at night with the baby when he's in pain from teething or is hungry; I'm the one who seems to be doing it all. and if I want to have just one day a week to sleep in...well, heaven forbid! You'd think I was asking for a million bucks. Or heaven forbid I ask for some time alone in the back bedroom while he has the baby out in the living room. I'm getting tired. tired of being the one doing all the work and all of the budgeting and getting no support.
AAARRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ticker Tape Timer!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hope you don't mind me reading your blog.. Pat was the same way at first, and honestly, I still do 90% of the work. If I have homework though, he will take Emma and go for a walk or play with her. We live in a one-room basement right now, so I still hear them playing on the couch since it's like 2 feet away, but still.. It's an hour that I don't have to entertain her. I have to ask him to feed her. He won't just take it upon himself to do it even if she's screaming at him. It's just how men are, honestly, and I know that's not the answer you want. I've read a lot of mommy boards and every mommy says the same thing you say and that I complained about.
ReplyDelete